First name Peter, last name Pan

Me and Debbers!

Happy Hallmark Holiday everyone!  So it’s 7:45pm and I’m laying in bed reading Twilight on my Nook.  Am I 60 yrs old you may ask?  No, I’m 27 and extremely over this day.  I DID, however have an insanely amazing weekend so if you’re starting to feel bad for me, let me stop you right here  '-)   see right ------>

Recap:  We’ve been docked in St. Martin for just over a month now and life has become rather routine (which as we all know is not an area of interest for me).  Sure I've tried to spice things up with weekly tennis matches and Tuesday night salsa lessons...I've even started going to the French side of the islands for my pedicures,  but overall I'd say island fever is definitely setting in.  So needless to say when I saw a flyer for a golf scramble in Anguilla I rounded up the troops and away we went!   Besides last weekends getaway to Saba I really haven’t taken advantage of the proximity of these islands (they're literally like a 20 minute ferry ride away), but after this past weekends festivities I am definitely getting off this island more often!   

We used my ball twice this hole :) 

Anguilla is literally a $15 ferry ride away and is literally one of the of the top 5 most beautiful countries I have visited so far.  The food was out of this worLD and Shoal Bay (the beach we played on) is rated the #9th most beautiful beach in the world!  So needless to say I wanted to stay longer than just a round of golf, so after our golf scramble (where we placed 3^rd, won a pair of Maui Jims and a $600 gift certificate - ahem ahem '-) I took a cab to meet up with my girlfriends - bless their heart they took care of everything and managed to book the most adorable B&B right on the beach!  Insert here - I truly do have some of the most amazing friends in yachting.  We laugh and call ourselves the RUN (revised United Nations) because we come from such different backgrounds, speak such different languages (literally), but we're always there for each other in those bouts of homesickness or cabin fever and I truly, TRULY appreciate them.  So back to the weekend...obviously the girls and I had an unbelievable 48 hours and after a few too many Malibu sodas and a tad too much sun we caught the last ferry back to St. Martin Sunday night.  

Shoal Bay - Anguilla getaway weekend

Unbelievable view - pics don't do it justice

But even with all the amazingness (it’s a word, ok no it’s not) of this past weekend, I’m starting to get that infamous itch.  I think it’s time to come home :(  And as much as I’m trying to fight this feeling with the justification that there is “so much more to see”, I’m also a realist and know that to even put a dent in my list would take much longer than I’m willing to give.  Australia, South Africa, Europe and the South Pacific islands aren’t going anywhere, and I’ve had to force myself to take a step back and appreciate everything I've been able to experience (in such a short amount of time).  I look back over the past 16 months and I am literally in awe of the laundry list of countries, sights, and experiences that I will remember for the rest of my life!  I crossed through the Panama Canal, twice for Gods sake!  I traveled through Thailand and Bali on my OWN for 6 weeks.  I learned how to scuba dive and have swam with a whale shark!  I now have friends on every continent and will always have a place to crash :)  I've ridden on elephants, slept with tigers, golfed in paradise, and tanned on some of the most beautiful beaches in the world.  Sure there's a lot more to be seen and I have no doubt I'd make a lot more memories if I decided to stay in yachting, but I've reached the point where I can honestly close this chapter and have zero regrets!  I miss the comfort of having my own home.  I miss recruiting (you may think it sounds ridiculous but I LOVE that job and I am so excited to get back to it).  I miss my friends.  I miss spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family.  I miss driving my own car (I've no doubt paid at least one Enterprise employee's mortgage).  I miss celebrating my girlfriends birthdays.  I miss girls night out, and especially girls night IN.   I know I'll look back in a year or two and think my God what was I thinking, and I'll probably kill to be in the middle of the Caribbean on a Super yacht with no responsibilities, but for now I truly believe I've gained just about everything I'd hoped to gain from this.  I now know how to stand on my own two feet...I can walk into a room by myself and not feel overwhelmed or out of place.  I know who I am (as much as a 27 year old girl can anyway) and I'm ready to start this next chapter of my life.  

Matty my Safa!

Why then am I even considering prolonging this adventure and going to the Mediterranean??  You know you’ve got a ridiculously skewed version of reality when your biggest/hardest decision is whether or not to go to the Med.   I keep waiting for the scenarios I'm playing with to become clear (to see a 'move home date' in my head), but until that point comes I'm definitely taking advantage of the final days I have left of this adventure!

And one things for sure,  I wouldn’t be where I am today without the constant love and support I’ve had from you guys.   My biggest fear in doing this was that I’d leave home and be forgotten (I can’t believe I’m saying this ‘out loud’!).  The little girl in me was scared that everyone would move on and forget about me…that when I decided to come home I'd have nothing to come home to.  But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from moving away it's that absence really does make the heart grow fonder.  Although I haven't physically been with you guys, all of the e-mails, skype sessions, and facebook posts/messages have allowed me to feel your love despite the distance.  I feel blessed to have some of the most caring, selfless, and supportive friends & family a girl could ask for.  I love you guys and I hope you know not a days goes by where I'm not missing and appreciating the hell out of you :)  I'm running out of steam and my new Stew arrives tomorrow so I'd better say goodnight.  Until next time - luff luff!!

xoxo,

mE

"When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end" - on the 1st page of my new book

Happy, healthy, livING life!

Life....

You know that feeling you get when you look back on the past year (or 5) and think what the hell have I done?  What have I been doing and why haven't I done more?? Taken advantage of certain opportunities, worked a little harder, explored life outside of the norm?!  Well I feel so incredibly fortunate to be able to say with total certainty that I have lived the past year and a half with absolutely no regrets!  I have taken full advantage of every single opportunity that's come my way and have lived each day with an open heart and mind.  As my adventure starts slowly coming to an end, I'm trying to remember the person I was when I started and the person I want to continue to be as I jump back into the "real world".   One's things for sure...I love traveling and I wasn't doing nearly enough!  I've vowed that whether or not I find someone to share my travels with, I will continue to explore the world.  I've been to so many places - from the Panama Canal to Bangkok - but all that's done is show me just how big this world is and how many places I have yet to see.  Needless to say I'm addicted and now that I've learned I can (and actually enjoy) travel alone there's nothing stopping me!  I've also realized that although I love my friends and family more than life itself, I don't need to be surrounded by people to be happy.  I've learned who I am (outside of Lindsay, Executive Recruiter who lives in the North Loop and is best friends with Jenna, Lissy, and Shelly) and, although that life brings me a certain type of happiness that familiarity often brings, I feel like I’m finally prepared and able to function on my own - and anyone who's known me for more than an hour can agree this is a HUGE breakthrough.  

So as reality starts to set in and I begin to write this next chapter of my life, I'm attempting to replace that ever-present fear of 'being alone' with a feeling of excitement.  Over the past year I've realized I make friends every time I turn a corner, so the 'not knowing anyone' dilemma has become sort of a moot point.   With that said, I've been thinking about Chicago a lot lately...Minneapolis but bigger.  Same Midwest vibe, close enough to see my girlfriends any time I want, and big enough to not feel stuck.  But (ugh there's always a but) the hardest part about this decision just so happens to be the most critical....my job.  If I'm not happy at work I'm not happy with life...another aspect of myself I've become all too familiar with this past year.  I LOVE recruiting, it's what I'm meant to do, but there are a lot of variables to consider (I won't bore you with the logistics) about staying in Minneapolis with the client/candidate base I have spent so long building versus moving to Chicago and starting all over.  My clients and candidates have come to mean more to me than just business...in a lot of cases they have become close friends which makes work seem more like play.   So, do I stay in the bubble that's become more claustrophobic than comfortable (but work with people I love) or do I venture out and start from scratch?   I keep hoping this moment of clarity will come to me and I’ll be able to see (or feel) what I’m meant to do…but until that point comes I’m happy to be soaking up the Caribbean rays, meeting new people, and continuing to learn who I am and what I want :)

Luff

 As always sending all my love,
       xoxo,

           mE

Turtles are a girls best friend!

I'm trying to find something to compare diving to and I can't.  My best friend Lissy is a skydiving queen - over 300 jumps - and I know she feels the same way about flying through the air as I do about  swimming through the sea...and although I tried skydiving with her in New Zealand the ocean provides this extra sense of calm that for me is completely unique to the water.   90 ft below sea level and the only noise I can hear are the bubbles from my tank...it's euphoric.   Something about jumping into the ocean with a tank on my back, slowly descending to the bottom of the ocean and floating effortlessly through the sea - weightless and free.  It's like a jungle below the sea...some things you need to make sure and steer clear of but most animals can be observed at an arms length and for me what I've seen down below is WAY cooler than anything I've seen on land.  I've rode elephants and cuddled the cutest baby tiger in the world, but swimming with whale sharks and turtles (and their babies) is by far the coolest thing I've ever experienced.   

Exploring a completely different form of species - marine life vs. wild life - is magical.  Being able to move through the water upside down, on your back, up and down using nothing but your breath...now I know why astronauts love space so much (I mean there's that and the whole planets/moon thing ;-).  But seriously, there's nothing I don't absolutely love about it!  And if I didn't enjoy wearing a suit and heels so much I'd become a dive instructor in a heartbeat because the thought of seeing such beauty on a regular basis makes my heart happy!

SABA!

My girlfriend Jen, co-worker Matt, and I went to Saba yesterday (it's a country/island about 1.5 hours by boat from St. Martin) and we spent the entire day diving....I had my 15th and 16th dive (Jenn if you're reading this, 600 really isn't that much more than 16 so zip it!).  Jenn just bought an underwater casing for her camera so the three of us went down as deep as we could and 290 pics later I can say we had an absolute blast!! Fresh air is great and all, but if I could do things over I'd have been born with gills :)  I haven't been on a dive that I haven't loved and I can't imagine ever being disappointed.  When I'm down there it's like I'm in another world....daily drama doesn't matter and for once I feel like I'm the visitor.  Like I'm stepping into someone else's life and every fish, rock, and coral deserves to be appreciated.

 

So that's all for now...I had three great dives in St. Martin and another two in Saba, hoping to do St. Barts next weekend :)  Life is great and I have absolutely no complaints!  As always sending my love and lots of kisses - xoxox

mE

It just keeps getting better....

Lets see, where to start.  Honestly I feel like it’s been a lifetime since I last wrote…feels like I’ve done and learned more in the past 6 months than I have in the last 27 years.   Reality has sunk in, and I know it sounds silly and maybe even a little egocentric to say but I’ve come to terms with the fact that people, friends, ex’s, Minneapolis and life in general has carried on fine without me.  The first year of my adventure seemed like just that, a temporary journey – something that would last for 365 days, something I would return from, a period of time that would end and allow me to resume my ‘normal’ life.  Now it’s been 16 months and this life (yachting, flip flops vs. heels, new friends & new zip codes) – has become my new reality.  I’m starting to realize that my “plan” is slowing taking a direction of it’s own, and for the first time in a long while I’m letting my head take a rest and I’m following my heart.  And I'm happy... happier than I've been in a very long time :)

So here’s a VERY quick recap of the past 6 months.

City under water

- The boat I joined in South America turned out to be quite an interesting (hellish doesn't begin to describe it) situation so after we got back to the U.S I decided I needed a break.  I was approaching my 1 year mark but didn't feel like I'd gotten everything I needed out of this experience and so I bought a ticket to Thailand.  I packed my bags, flew home for Thanksgiving and then off to Bangkok I went.  I had the whole flight, 23 hours, to plan my 6 week itinerary and here’s where I’ll insert my first of many kudos to The Lonely Planet – that book saved my life, literally!  I flew in right when the flooding began so you can imagine the grief I got from my parental units (love you Linda and Dougie :).  So after a day of touring the city I booked another flight up to Chiang Mai (buses & trains had stopped going in/out of the city).

Sukhothai

Full Moon Party 2011

 I could go on for 100 pages about each of the 16 cities I visited (honestly, my journal was my best friend throughout those 6 weeks and I filled well over half) but in the interest of time I’ll spare the details and just say this – holy hell what an experience!!!  It’s hard to explain the perspective and appreciation I was able to gain  being alone in a 3^rd world country thousands of miles away from home… it was life changing to say the least.  From the full moon party (20,000 people on one beach celebrating for 24 hours straight), to diving with whale sharks, riding elephants through the mountain, cuddling baby tigers, and hiking to Temples so beautiful they literally took my breath away.  Renting a bike and cycling through the most desolate, poor city you can imagine, sharing rooms with complete strangers who have now become close friends - I look back on the emails I sent while I was away and can't help but get a little choked up.  I've never felt more alive and I will never, ever forget that trip!

Diving with a whale shark in Koh Tao

Koh Phangan Full Moon Party

Lithuanian bestie
  

Ko Phi Phi - The Beach

So after my trip I spent a week at home, catching up on sleep and attempting to figure out my life.  Should I go back to FL and look for another boat or should I appreciate that year for everything it was, stick to my original plan and jump back into the real world??  After a lot of thought and a lot of journaling I decided to go for the first option, pack my bags yet again, and head back to FL.  I spent a week with friends, lounging pool-side and soaking up some rays before starting my job search.  I posted my resume on a Monday, started interviewing Tuesday, accepted my DREAM boat Wednesday (Chief Stewardess on a high profile charter boat), moved aboard Thursday and was off to the Caribbean on Friday!!

Little did I know when I took the job I'd be spending New Years with the greatest NBA player of all time, Michael JORDAN and crew (some of which also happened to be professional athletes)!!!!  Unfortunately I signed a lengthy confidentiality agreement which means I have to save the details for later but let me tell you, it was a once in a lifetime opportunity!   And now, after 16 months away from everything I know and love I feel like it's all been worth it.  I have achieved everything I could hope to achieve from this experience...I started as the most Jr person and am now running the interior, have traveled to South America, Thailand, and almost every single populated island in the Caribbean, removed myself from everything that was comfortable and finally found figured out who I am (without friends, family, and work to define me), and have kissed Michael Jordan (twice!) on the cheek :)   Had you asked me when I was little who I "loved" it would have been Michael Jordan so although a kiss is no proposal I'm still crossing it off my bucket list!

So yeah, that's where I'm at!  110% thrilled with my decision to come back for one more season...I never expected to be Chief Stew on a mega yacht, entertaining celebrities all over the Caribbean, but then again I didn't expect a lot of what's happened over the last year and half.   With that said it's becoming clear to me that it's time to start thinking of coming home.  I mean I've seen pigs fly for christ sake, er no wait swim...either way,  I think I can say I've just about seen it all!

Three little pigs, swam all the way home

BuT in saying that (there's always a but with me), I look back to the reasons I choose to do this in the first place, and I'm left with a feeling of uneasiness.  I thought I'd outgrown Minneapolis before, and now 16 months and 29 countries later I'm realizing just how small that city really is.  Yet in the same breath I think of the people who are dearest to my heart, a career I've spent the past 4 years building, and a condo that has become my comfortable little nest, and I'm left in the same position I was before this crazy ass adventure began.  I know if I were to walk into the Loop next weekend I would see the same 50 faces...sure some of them have gotten engaged, married, or pregnant, but it's still the same scene with the same people doing the same lame shit.  And although Minnesota is the only home I've known, I'm starting to wonder if comfort will equate to happiness.  Either way,  I've committed to this season (and I'm a woman of my word) which means I have four more months to figure it out :)   

As always, it feels good to write!  

xoxoxo,

mE