First day of school...

I made a new friend today!  I literally feel like a kid again, an overly excited, anxious, geek waiting at the bus stop for her first day of school!  If there’s one thing people know about me, it’s that I’m rarely (if ever) by myself, so you can imagine what a culture/social shock this move has been for me.  I had a few goals in mind when I decided to take this leap of faith, coincidently the thought of being alone in a city where everyone knows everyone hadn’t crossed my mind.  When I think back to the last time I was thrown into a situation like this, and by “this” I mean the uncomfortable feeling of knowing no one but wanting so desperately to have that comfort of a friend, I think of horse-camp in 3^rd grade.  

So let me lay my life out quick for you here, thinking it might help clear up a few things.  I’m on a 164 foot private yacht called ‘Inception’ which has 10 amazing crew (myself included).  Nick’s married, Mike’s married, Pete mine as well be, Zahraa has an amazing bf who’s in yachting and ported across the way from us, Nina too has a bf in yachting (his boat’s next door), Haley also, also has a bf in yachting (although he’s in West Palm so she’s onboard most nights), which leaves me, Bobby, and Mark.  Bobby’s a native Floridian (actually grew up 11 miles from our boat) which excludes him from this “trying to make friends” situation, so really it’s Mark and myself who are left.  Mark’s amazing but he’s not the most social person in the world, and contrary to popular belief, when I’m riding solo I’m not the most outgoing/confident person either.  I never realized how much I thrive off the comfort of being around my friends…humor is easy when you have Shelly, Erin, Lissy, and Jenna to bounce it off of.  I feel like a kid who’s lost her training wheels but isn’t quite ready…it’s a feeling that’s hard to describe any other way.  Coming down to FL was easy because I was thrown into a classroom (with Becca by my side) where everyone was doing the exact same thing as us, everyone was looking for friends, and it was almost impossible NOT to make them.  But as those friends started accepting jobs and their boats slowly started making their way to other countries, reality hit like a ton of bricks and suddenly weekends at the beach didn’t seem so appealing. 

But anyway, back to the point of this blog…my new friend (I’m such a dork)!  I just hope to God she doesn’t browse through my Facebook, see my blog, and read this entry ;-)  Her name is Ashley and she’s a blond, bubbly, super fun Californian yachtie who has vowed to make the next 3 months (we leave for Europe in May) unforgettable! 

In fact, we’re already signed up for a speed-dating adventure in Boca tomorrow night (I can hear you laughing, but before you grab your side let me just say it’s for a good cause.  My crewmate Bobby has a friend who’s hosting it as a charity event).  Either way, I finally feel a sense of “settling in” going on here in FL and I like it!  That’s all for now, short and sweet.   I have ZERO idea of what to expect tomorrow but I anticipate an interesting blog to follow.

Xoxoxo

mE

Dear Diary...

So I’ve been on this quest for adventure for four months now and am more confused than when I first began.  That thrill of the unknown is starting to wear off and the reality of this new life has definitely set in.  I booked a flight back to Minnie this past weekend hoping to go home, get my fix, and hop back on this rickety SouthWest plane reassured that I’d made the right decision to leave that life…but as I sit here trying to sort through the mess that is my brain, I’m more bemused than ever.    Is there some guidebook, some manual people have been secretly using that I’m unaware of?   How is everyone around me so content, living these blissful lives full of certainty while I’m traveling the globe desperately searching for it?   I had a great life… rewarding & fulfilling career; a group of friends that can only be classified as thoroughly entertaining and amazing; a cozy little condo that in the past 3 years has redefined the meaning of “home”, but that wasn’t enough…there was a void I was constantly trying to figure out, and an adamant and persistent voice telling me there was something more.  I was happy but I wasn’t content.  So I set out on the most unconventional adventure I could think of and here I am, four months later missing the very things I thought I was sick of, ok, minus the shit storm frigged Minnesota winters.   I miss lazy geek-out hungover sessions with the girls and all the laughs and memories those days entailed.  I miss walking into my bank & being greeted by my first name. I miss people holding the door for the person behind them and saying please, thank you, and excuse me.  I miss Pacioli and the personal rewards and relationships that went along with that job.  I miss RiverStation’s courtyard, my oversized amazing couch and my gigantic cloud of a bed, my piano (and the 3:30am performances I would put on for Shelly), and the man in the 5^th Street Market (who finally got a RedBox, no doubt based on the endless number of weekends I spent begging) - for those of you reading this, I take full credit for Zing Zang and dollar movies being provided there…feel free to thank me in person ; -)

But even with that laundry list of “misses”, I have no desire to pack up and come home.  I’m seeing the world on someone else’s dime, living with and meeting SOOOO many amazing new people, being exposed to cultures, foods, religions, ideas, and experiences that I would NEVER have the balls to seek out and try on my own.  And as I sit here on this plane that’s heading back to that beautiful mega-yacht, writing this blog, I realize how insane I sound.  But I can’t help it…I’m overwhelmingly confused and wondering when, if ever, I’ll figure it all out.  Where am I supposed to be and what am I supposed to be doing?  Home is where the heart is, but if my heart’s all over the map then does that classify me as homeless?  I love my crew, I’m seeing the world, I can walk outside in flip-flops 365 days a year without snow seeping into my shoes getting my socks all wet while the tips of my toes turn blue and feel like they’re going to fall off (they’re defrosting as we speak/type).   But my heart hurts knowing I’m not going to be around for Jenna’s engagement, or Lissy’s and my 9^th consecutive Easter Bunny photo shoot, or my annual family Porky trip.  I don’t want to miss out on memories that in 5 years I’ll wish I’d been there for. 

So anyway, that’s where my crazy ass is at with things.  I come home for four days, expecting 100% clarity and I leave with turrets.  

But just so we’re clear, I am in no way complaining about my current state of uncertainty, I’m simply using this opportunity to lay out my thoughts and maybe at some point, if I’m lucky, find some resolve in it all.  High-school was tough, college was even tougher...and although I haven't yet defined this whole  “adult-hood” thing, if I had to choose one word to describe it, I'd choose “innately-difficult-scary-but-fun” (it’s one word if I hyphenate it…I’m not kidding, look it up). 

And although I’d love to dig into the topic of men and the chaos and influence they’re having on my 8lb head, I’ve had 9 hours of sleep over the course of a 4-day weekend and my mind is mush, not to mention my fingers are typing about as well as my toes, so that’ll have to wait until next time.   I love you guys more than words can describe, and the support you’ve given me (despite my manic blogging episodes) ...means more than you’ll ever know.   We’ve got a lot of trips coming up and I’m hoping for new & more amazing pics to boot :) Until next time, bye bYE.

Xoxoxo,

mE

Love them :)